Monday, November 23, 2009

Colonial Triangle Ride - Day 2 - I Wish I Were a Eunuch

Men have often times, and rightly so, been accused of being insensitive. However, there is a subject upon which all men, everywhere, are tender, sensitive and sympathetic. That subject of course centers around that part of our anatomy that, well, makes a man a man.

We may not have the biggest or the prettiest, but what we have we've grown attached to and are rather fond of. We do not like it when either our own or someone else's are being abused.

When we witness another man being kicked in the gonads, all men collectively draw a quick breath and in unison instinctively reach for our own, grimace, groan, draw our knees together, and bend slightly at the waist. When we heard about the horrific incident where Lorena Bobbitt severed her husband's TOOL all men slept on their stomachs for a season.

When I look back over the history of mankind, I can't help but conclude that Eunuchs are among the most unfortunate. To be cruelly deprived of that which arguably makes a man what he is, is almost beyond my feeble ability to comprehend. I wonder as to the details of their miserable existence. Not personally knowing a Eunuch, I am left to my own imagination (which I'm sure by now my readers realize is a vivid one). Not only were they deprived of these precious gems of pleasure, but such an offense was cast upon them so that they might attend to the harem of royalty. How cruel is that? I suspect that these young ladies, knowing full well the limitations of these poor, pitiful men; went out of their way to expose themselves and flaunt the more attractive aspects of the female anatomy. In so doing, bringing theses unfortunate Souls to feverish heights of pent up frustrations.

When I awoke on the second day of my bike tour, shivering uncontrollably from the cold, I realized that there is at least one advantage to being a Eunuch. If you ain't got em, you don't have to worry about freezing them off:-)

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